So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
