no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
