i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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