i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
