It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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