shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
