I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Life without a bra equals bliss.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
