She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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