I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
