Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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