My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am one with the molecules
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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