Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
