i was born a porn star she said
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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