I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Randomize
