my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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