I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
