she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
