I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
