Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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