home. puking in laundry basket.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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