You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
