i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize