Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
