I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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