I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
