All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize