we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
