# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
