I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
