I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
