Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
