Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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