just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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