I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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