At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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