overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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