that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i need some magic done to my vagina
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
