In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
