if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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