I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
