hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
