Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
