i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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