Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
