I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
