I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
