The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
