and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
