His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
