mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
