i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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