Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
