I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
