Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
