Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
