im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
