she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
try to milk me bitch
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
