I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
