Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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