think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
