she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize