Christians are straight up FREAKS
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
