this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
