Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
