dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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