i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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