To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How does one acquire holy water?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
